


My Superhero

by DigitalWitness



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, It's not Arthur, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:57:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8021797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalWitness/pseuds/DigitalWitness
Summary: Merlin's first kill.





	My Superhero

**Author's Note:**

> So this one's a bit dark..

It wasn't the red soaking through the man's shirt that got him. Nor the vacant eyes that looked at the ceiling above. It was the way his own body seemed far away. 

Merlin felt numb. His breath came out like great rocks, weighing him down and making it hard for him to move. 

He'd done what he was sent to do. End a life. Shouldn't he feel relieved that he wasn't the one killed, happy that he prevented this man from killing someone else? This was his job, he'd chosen to do this. Ever since he was a little kid reading superhero comics, and watching heroes on TV kill in the name of justice, he wanted nothing more than to do the same. But his childhood fantasy never prepared him for this overwhelming feeling of remorse.

In his earpiece, his commanding officer was yelling for him to say something. "Merlin! Answer me!" The voice sounded angry and Merlin quickly identified, also worried.

Slowly, he brought down his gun, and put it in his back pocket. His heart threatened to leap out of his body. "I'm fine. Target is down." What a thing not to even be mentioned by a name anymore. He was the one who had made this man into nothing more than an object. A once breathing body now nothing more than something that was to be quickly disposed of. He couldn't stop staring at the eyes. 

"Clear out now." said the voice through his earpiece, cold as steel.

He doused the body with gasoline and with a final look he walked out the door of the abandoned cabin and threw a lit match on the body. It burned easily, and the smell was something he'd never forget. 

Twenty minutes later, he pulled off his mask and gloves and put them in a plastic bag to be properly disposed of at headquarters. When he was traveling well past the forest, Merlin could hear sirens blaring in the opposite direction and breathed a sigh of relief. 

…

When he reaches the mission's base. He parks the car and holds his face in his hands. He's crying now as what he's done catches up to him and he can't sort out how he feels about it. On the one hand he's glad he's killed him because that man would have killed more, but on the other hand, Merlin didn't know if death was the punishment the man deserved. Did that sink him to his level? Was the only way to achieve justice by killing? He struggled to process that it was his own hands that squeezed three clean shots into the man's heart. He had plenty of chances to abandon his mission, but he didn't. He'd been trained to do this for years and he had followed through with his order perfectly, right until he took the first shot. All the while, the man never spoke. It was almost like he wanted Merlin to kill him, or spook him by being utterly silent. 

Even as Merlin read off all the man's crimes to him, he had the same stoic expression. Even after he yelled them at him within an inch of his face, the man never flinched an eye. He watched as Merlin's gun pointed at his heart and when he shot the first bullet he wasn't even sure if the man was dead. He'd closed his eyes before it hit, and it scared Merlin so much that he shot two more times before sense kicked into him that he was dead. 

But he could never regret his actions, no matter how much he wanted to. He would do whatever was necessary to protect the lives of innocents, and the man before him was evil to the bone.

It's raining heavily now, and Merlin has nothing to cover himself. When he gets out of the car, the immediate shock of cool rain makes him shiver. He's running towards the entrance of the building, holding his arms around himself to fend off as much of it as possible. When he's inside, he finds all of the place is dark except for his commanding officer's room towards the end of the hall. 

He's shivering now. He sheds of his jacket by the door, and dries his shoes off before going towards the room. Inside, Kilgarrah is waiting for him with a cup of coffee. Merlin laughs at the ridiculousness of it all. 

He doesn't say anything, just takes the coffee and gulps it down.

"You've done well." Kilgarrah says. He is a hulking man in his late fifties. His hair almost completely white, and it's always tied up in a ponytail that reached the middle of his back. He has a permanent severe expression on his face that automatically kills any bullshit that may be hovering in his vicinity.

"Thank you, sir." Merlin sits in the chair across from him. "It's been a long day." Merlin was careful not to show the man he had trouble dealing with his kill. He knew morality got in the way of duty, and in his line of business, how he felt was irrelevant compared to the bigger picture at hand. 

Merlin ran Kilgarrah through all the minute details of the way he carried out his mission, and he listened with little interjection. When he was done Kilgarrah patted him on the back, and entered all the details of his assignment in to the database. Later it would be put into a file in some drawer to be locked away with the others.

All the information about Merlin's target, a serial killer by the name of Cenred who worked as a college professor at a campus nearby. He raped and killed five women and two men. He always kept their murders at least two years apart. Merlin leaves him be with a nod and swiftly walks out. All he wants to do is go home.

…

He reaches his flat, finding all the lights off. It's well past midnight and Arthur is probably asleep by now. He finds a box of takeout sitting on the kitchen counter with a little note that says. "I remember my first one too. I understand if you need some space tonight. Love you."

He smiles at the letter, and warms up his food, careful not to make too much noise. 

After he finishes his meal, he heads towards his bedroom and finds Arthur sleeping curled up on his side, face obscured by a pillow. Moonlight catching on the planes of his back, and his skin looks like marble. He can't help but stare for a moment. Merlin knows he's not actually sleeping. His breathing is too irregular. After a quick shower, he pulls on a pair of boxers. When he reenters the room, Arthur is asleep, and Merlin's heart softens knowing that Arthur stayed up long enough to know he was safely home. And really, did Arthur think he needed to distance himself from the one person he loved more than his heart knew how to handle?

He gets into bed and carefully adjusts himself so he can lay up against Arthur's back. He kisses his bare shoulder softly before he pulls the blanket up over them. After a couple of seconds, Arthur turns towards him and they kiss slowly for what feels like an eternity. Finally, Merlin opens his eyes a peek to see Arthur's are still closed. then he's enveloped in muscular arms that pull him closer, and whispers of sweet words that hang in the air like clouds that carry him off to sleep. The last of which he hears, "My superhero."

It's cute as hell, and grossly inaccurate, but Merlin knows that in time he'll be okay. If he could love Arthur despite what he'd done, he could never fall apart.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one a while back, and I think it's worth posting, if only to dig it back out so that it's not lost forever.
> 
> I haven't been posting and that's because partly because of college and also because I wasn't getting the enjoyment of writing these, that I had a while back. Writing that is forced is not good! (So trust me when I say that where I've ended things for now is a good place!) I wanted to take the time to just read all the other works out here. 
> 
> After years of this show being off the air, this fandom is still amazing. There's so many great fanfics still being written. I'm just super happy to be a part of it all. 
> 
> As always, I love reading comments!


End file.
